Hi & assalamualaikum everyone :) how's life so far ? I was about to sleep but here i am i could'nt, so before i spend my night watching movies while eating snacks i just wanted to let out some of my internal toughts about my life . 

 Externally people saw me just a normal being 19-year-old lady *lol what?!* ehem "yeah, even myself could not believe i was 19 year old this year which mean i've breathing for almost 2 decades? " unbelievable . I shoookethhh. That's not my point here lol sorry . Sometimes my life are a little bit trembling and hectic and sad em what else should i describe ? But hey, thanks to my rational thinking i manage to survive. Looking back at how i'm doing this past few 10 years . I can say i learn a lot . Growing up were tough . lets take a moment to appreciate our parents, people *applause *  

 Its imaginable . How i survived in this big cruel world? Not just me . You also . We still happily breathing till now. Enjoying our life to the fullest with our loved ones although we can't hide from taking responsibilities . Wether as a student, children, worker or even parents . Well yeah , thats it . We get strength from our loved ones . Can't deny . You still breathing because you feel responsible to achieve something to make your parents proud , you still working altough you totally dying inside *like u wanna have holiday for the rest of your life* , you wanted to graduate, you work hard to make a better living for your families. The lowest state you can feel is because your responsibilities towards Him . As His servants and how you fully give your life well-planned by Him . Do you ? I can't tell. But hey have you ever heard that sometimes no matter how well we planned our pathway in life, His plan are the best ? Sometimes what you think are good for you actually were the one that harms you the most ?

 We all can't run from problems . Even the happiest people outside keeps the darkest secret inside . But can you really tell that you could handle your problems wisely? Hm well we all have experienced the moment where things are so complicated that you were so tired to even to think or solve it . " Kenapa semua jadi kat aku?"" apa yang aku buat?" " ini ke balasan yang aku dapat?" " kenapa semua orang buat aku macam ni?" "ujian apa yang kau berikan padaku ya Allah?"  the moment where you felt so weak . Like there are no others way you can think to solve . You slowly start to lose hope . You don't know to who you should rely on . It feels like your hearts are stuffed . You wanted to scream but it was a silent scream that only your mind could hear . Unbearable feelings . I feel you .yeah .

like how the clouds look gloomy and its about to rain 

 Dear lovely people who reading this,*although i have high expectation that no one is reading hahaha* please please please please and please  * can u see how many please?* Please tell yourself that actually your body can handle such pain although you have suicidal tought at the moment . Please my love, suicidal tought are not in the list in order to run away from the situation that you are in right now . Please people do left all your hopes and make du'a only to Him . Rely on Him when you have no one else you think you could rely to . When you think the burden in your shoulder was so heavy than usual . I remembered during my matrics year , there's one day i felt so low . It was my lowest peak that i can tell ya i'm such a miserable one . It was during my study week . Hella hell what a world hell i'm living in ? I felt sorry to people i hurted when i was hurting . * sorry people :( * that was the moment where i felt so low . I lose hope in my studies . I often got fail for my test . I get scolded by my lecturer till i cried heavily . I called my mom, i thought i could be better . But i'm not . I cried again . But this time, I feel a high burden and hearts fully stuffed with questions why i was in this state . I feel depressed to do my best to give the best result to my parents . They put high hopes towards me 

 And at that time , i start questioning myself . No matter how late i stay up to study i always end up forgetting all . I questioned on His faith . I wanted to quit . Mashaallah , when i think about it now i felt sorry for myself ." Why la i did'nt seek for Him from early? "*see that Manglish?* . Yes people , during that time , my hearts begging for a cure . I want to seek help . But to who? i have high level of confidence that if i told people about my feeling like 70% of their internal mind would'nt mind about it . I mean, they also have their problems right? From that, i started to get  closer to Him . I cried really hard in my sujood . *not that hard cause i dont want my roommates to hear me lol* after that, i start to feel a little bit relieved . I burst all out to Him . I cried hoping that i will be in ease in everything that i do .Given strength to face another day and living it more productive than before. I started to treat people as nice as i could like how i wanted to be treated . Don't forget to read quran too . My very good friend give me a tips, and how it works wonderfully to me so i would share it to you too ❤ Before you open quran, read salawat to prophet 3 times, read al-Fatiha,make du'a about your problems and how you wish for a solution or anything from Him. Then,open any page from quran and read that page along with the tafs'r . When i did this at first i was quiet shocked because it bring me to surah Taha or Luqman i can't remember. But i read it anyway and slowly i learn from the meaning behind each ayat . It gave me strength ya allah i tell youuuuu. Alhamdullillah , it all get easier next .

rise and shine everyone  

credits to : pakcik google 

 To all wonderful people out there , no matter how hard you felt right now . It is like you wanted to give up in life . Losing hope like how you lose important people in life , please come back to where it all started . To the one who created everything and the most powerful . The one who never tired and love you the most . Your heart aching without His guidance, people . We all make mistakes . Besides  Him, remember that you have your parents ,friends and at least someone that care about you really much . You are loved :) No matter how bad people treat you, please treat them nicely . Its the best to just avoid it if you thing taking part on it would just worsen the situation . Live the best life in you and live the rest to Him . I hope you all could achieve your dreams Insyaallah . May all our tiring soul are rewarded with His blessings * feeling loved * . Its okay to cry for awhile . Get up and stand stronger after that . Believe in His faith and be thankful over everything .

 I think i should end this writing haha i should watch movie by now xD i could'nt remember when was the last time i stay up late and watch movie since i have to leave all the fun and wasting time moment 2 months before final lol *pelajar cemerlang sangat gahahah * . Goodbye everyone , see ya in the next post  ❤😘

xoxo,
Nabihah Amira